LOW BUDGET 100 PAGE FEATURE SCRIPT. A COMEDY IN THE STYLE OF DUDLEY MOORE'S "ARTHUR". 

HIDE AND SHRIEK

by

Peter Shillingford

                              ufindshill@btinternet.com

SYNOPSIS

Albert and the lovely Suzanne are your average extremely wealthy couple, not a care in the world, married for ten years, no children; they are living the good life... Nevertheless, one day Albert is diagnosed as having only a month to live due to a dreadful exploding multiple organ problem.

It is the most painful way to go and Albert is definitely a coward. He decides that he must be assassinated, the insurance company would not recognize suicide, and besides, what would the neighbours think.

To cause this abrupt ending of his life Albert confides only in Oscar, his shady and evil lawyer who he thinks is his best friend but who is secretly in love with the lovely Suzanne.

Of course, Oscar cannot wait for Albert to toddle off into the setting sun, leaving behind his rich young widow to romance. Between them, they find the most inept assassin in the neighbourhood, a confused young man named Snipe - definitely an innocent at large.

Snipe's father, a famed soldier of fortune and, and as we witness, recently very badly buried with full military honours, has passed on the family traditions for arson and assassination to his less than capable son.

There has however been a mix up at the hospital, a computer breakdown the dangerous Doctor Hyde admits. Albert will not be departing this earth for some time yet ... as long as the all-fired-up Snipe is warned off.

Oscar, now actively pursuing the soon to be widow Suzanne, makes sure that Albert can't find his would be assassin, even upping the financial and making sure young Snipe with his fathers arsenal of weapons, knows where Albert is hiding.

After various adventures with submerged police cars, errant flame throwers and demented transvestites, our four characters all end up in hospital - Oscar with a bullet or two in his butt, Snipe wrecking several hospital wards, Suzanne drugged, outrageously horny and tied to a bed.

Albert is running scared but gradually takes control, once his wife’s sexual demands have been met.

Oscar is suitably punished, the dangerous Dr. Hyde is delighted to perform a most disagreeable operation on his rear end and Snipe smuggles Albert and Suzanne out of the clutches of the police and hospital security; disguised as Siamese twins joined at the lips and hips.

Naked, under the covers and not behaving themselves, Albert and Suzanne escape on an electric hospital gurney driven by Snipe, their new best friend.

Contact Peter Shillingford

2 Creefleet House

280 Kew Road

Richmond

TW9 3EE

0208 940 4507

077866 421 71

ufindshill@btinternet.com